


Before you leave, You must know you are beloved

by phan_on_the_nx_01



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Curses, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Season/Series 04, Really Heavy Angst, Redeemed Morgana (Merlin), and Crowley, arthur/gwen friendship, emphasis on curses here, i once again give Merlin a hard time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-08-11 06:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20149378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phan_on_the_nx_01/pseuds/phan_on_the_nx_01
Summary: Merlin is leaving after the wedding, content to spend a week wallowing in some form of heartbreak and wondering why destiny is his worst enemy. Arthur is torn between choosing between duty and what he really wants.Two occults beings are there to meddle and fight against what destiny has chosen.Title from Beloved by Mumford & Sons





	1. We won't both get our way, If we do, it won't be tonight anyway

**Author's Note:**

> a new story! this might be a long one so buckle in.   
a new consorts and trolls chapter will be up before the end of the week. i hope  
i apologise for abandoning it for so long.

The backpack had been packed and ready in his room since they had returned to Camelot. He would attend the wedding, all smiles and acting like this was destiny all along, while inside his heart broke. Destiny had one plan for him, and it was not to live happily ever after, in any way. The two new knights were also causing him more confusion than he wanted, as he was content to wallow in some self-pity for a week or so in Ealdor before returning to his duties.

But something felt off about those two. They seemed to hold imaginable power, as Merlin had seen Sir Fell make a whole array of silverware gleam with just a click of his fingers. Crowley had made beautiful glowing orbs just to please Sir Fell, a contented smile on his face as he did so. They made quite a pair.

“Daydreaming again. Merlin?” Arthur chided him. Merlin looked down at the armour he was supposed to be polishing, his tired face looking back at him.

“You know me sire” Merlin replied flatly.

“I need that armour spotless for the ceremony” Arthur said, seemingly blind to the wince on Merlin’s face.

“I think George would have been a better person to ask” Merlin joked “but being the King’s manservant is a burden I must bear”

Arthur smiled.

“And soon to be Queen”

It was like the universe was working extra hard to make his day worse.

“Don’t you have business to attend to?” Merlin grimaced at the formal tone he had taken, but he was searching for any excuse for this conversation to end.

Arthur frowned, but turned on his heel and left Merlin alone.

Merlin sighed.

“It’s not like you to wallow”

He turned around and there was Crowley, dressed in a simple black tunic, breeches and boots.

“I’m just tired” he said as he turned back to the armour.

“The wedding is taking a lot out of you” Crowley commentated.

“More than you realise”

Crowley sat on the bench beside him.

“I was in love once”

Merlin’s hand stilled on the armour again.

“You were?” he asked, “what happened?”

“We met in a garden. He was on guard duty and I caused some problems for him” Crowley grinned, but it didn’t reach his eyes “we began meeting all over the place, quite by accident I assure you”

“Did he return your feelings?” Merlin voice was hopeful.

“I never asked. Nothing was likely to happen, he was dedicated to his family and nothing could sway him from that. Noble man, terribly naïve”

“How did you get over him?”

Crowley’s face fell.

“I haven’t”

“Not much hope for me then” Merlin sighed.

“There’s always hope for you” Crowley assured him “Destiny hasn’t finished with you yet”

“Well I’m finished with destiny” Merlin sniped back “all it’s done is tossed me about and thrown me out the other side with a broken heart and everyone believing I’m some fool”

“Is that why you’re leaving?”

Merlin sighed, his eyes flashed gold and suddenly the armour was clean enough to see his face in. Properly see his face, not the vague impression he saw earlier.

“It would be better for everyone if I left for a while. George can take care of Arthur while I’m gone”

“And you’d be happy with that?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t” Merlin shot back “but do you think Arthur wants around his poor heartbroken manservant while he’s happy with his new wife and Queen?”

“I’ll come with you. I’ve always wanted to see what’s beyond the citadel walls” Crowley offered.

“Aren’t we going to be a sad pair” Merlin grinned. Crowley laughed.

For a moment, Merlin felt happier than he had in months.

***

Aziraphale could feel the sadness emanating from the King as he looked through the wedding preparations. It was like it followed him from room to room. It seemed to be especially obvious when Merlin was in the room. He thought his wedding to Gwen would have given him great happiness, since it had been building up over many years that they could finally marry and be together.

It was the Plan.

He was checking through Monmouth’s impressive library when he came across the King, seemingly shirking his responsibilities for that day, without Merlin hounding him with his schedule or training with the knights. Arthur’s manservant was unwaveringly loyal, to the point of blind devotion. Lately he had seemed despondent than Aziraphale had ever seen, used to seeing the smiling and joking man who had endeared himself to so much of Camelot. 

The King was studying the book quite intently, as if it would give him all the answers he ever needed.

“My Lord” Aziraphale greeted. Arthur’s eye’s widened when he noticed him, looking like he had been caught stealing Cook’s pies. The book was slammed closed unceremoniously.

“Sir Fell” he replied “what a pleasant surprise”

“I was just assisting Geoffrey with some cataloguing” Aziraphale explained. The library within the citadel wasn’t vast, but it had enough books to pass the time (including the room with all the illegal magic books).

“I hope I’m not causing a disturbance”

“Of course not!” Aziraphale smiled kindly at him

“Sir, I have a question to ask” Arthur seemed to struggle getting the words out.

“Ask away” Aziraphale went over to one of the bookshelves and started to put away the small stack of books he had in his hands.

“Do you know how to fall out of love with someone?”

Aziraphale dropped the books.

“Why would you ask?”

“Just a question. And you seem to know more than the knights”

“I’m afraid there isn’t a way” Aziraphale told him “Dark magic could eliminate the feelings, but you would be left feeling never truly whole .It could replace one feeling with another and cause you to hate the person. Why do you ask? You are to be married in a matter of days”

“No reason” Arthur said hastily as he picked up the book and handed it to Aziraphale “it’s always interesting to hear what evil warlocks are conducting next”

There was that sadness again. It seemed to permeate Arthur’s being in a way the angel hadn’t seen before.

***

Arthur was in conflict. He and Gwen had agreed to marry for the good of the Kingdom, believing their friendship would make the marriage work. They had loved each other once before they knew who they truly had given their hearts to. In the quiet of his chambers, he imagined finally telling Merlin that he was in love with him.

It was an impossible fantasy. Lack of action didn’t make up for lack of imagination though. He imagined resting the crown on Merlin’s head, naming him King Consort for the entire of court to see.

Legalising magic.

Arthur had been told for as long as he could remember that magic was something dangerous and to be feared. But knowing that Merlin had only used it for his and Camelot’s protection had changed his mind gradually that magic was only evil if the wielder was.

But he would do what was best for the Kingdom. Too much change would cause turmoil, and his council would never accept him being married to a man.

It was the way things had to be.


	2. You'd lift me high, or let me fall.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin bakes and Crowley meddles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the baking scene is based off What Baking Can Do from Waitress the musical  
the song- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRaSSfSpR5E  
this one is gonna be slow going bc Merlin and Arthur both need a smack upside of the head.   
anyway, enjoy!

Aziraphale found Crowley in the market perusing the various wares they had on offer. They had agreed to meet late that afternoon, to discuss the various goings on in the kingdom. 

“This wedding will do Camelot the world of good” Aziraphale said as they walked along the various streets in the citadel.

“Politically yes” Crowley commented “A serving girl being crowned Queen, a true mark of changing times”

“Gwen and Arthur love each other dearly”

Crowley just _looked_ at Aziraphale, as if to communicate some unknown secret or something Aziraphale didn’t know about.

“We both know there is someone who would be a better ruler beside Arthur’s side. Gwen is a fine woman but her and Arthur do not truly love each other. You know that”

Aziraphale shifted uncomfortably.

“You speak of Merlin” Aziraphale said quietly

“Who else?”

“You believe they love each other?” Aziraphale asked tentatively

“I know so” Crowley assured him “Merlin is leaving after the wedding”

“To do what?”

“Does it matter?” Crowley grabbed Aziraphale’s arm “he’s leaving angel”

“Then it is part of the plan” Aziraphale floundered for a moment, as if that was the best excuse he could come up with. 

“Then the plan is wrong” Crowley growled “Destiny is something Merlin has followed the entire time he’s been here and it's caused more pain for the both of them than we ever realised”

“It’s the way things should be” Aziraphale said firmly “you know that Crowley”

Aziraphale walked away from Crowley.

***

_Tell them all my secrets but disguise them_   
_So they dance on the tongues_   
_Of the very people that they're secrets from_

***

When he was stressed, Merlin baked. It was a way to sort out his feelings and share them in a way people would never know about. His favourite was pies, something he used to do with his mother before coming to Camelot.

He remembered when he had first served Arthur one of his pies, his surprise at the praise it received. Not that Arthur knew it was him who baked them. Not useless, idiot Merlin. Who couldn’t make a stew but could bake a beautiful pie. He baked very frustration, every heartbreak, every triumph. Right now, it’s just pure heartbreak baked into a sour cherry pie.

He goes around the kitchen picking up the ingredients he’ll need to make his final pie before leaving.

The wedding is in two days.

His magic flares up at the thought, making the candles flare up in the kitchen. He measured his ingredients with as much care as he could. Perhaps he could bake some pie for the journey as well. He wondered if occult beings ate food. Sir Fell happily ate whatever was served at banquets but Crowley never touched a morsel.

Telling every secret in his baking felt right. Another secret to add to his long list. Every secret given to the people he was keeping them from. He was showing how _happy_ he was even if he was anything but. Whatever happened, he was happy. Truly.

Another lie to tell himself.

“Merlin?”, he whipped around from making his pastry to see Sir Fell standing by the doorway to the kitchen.

“Sir Fell, what a pleasant surprise” he said kindly.

“What are you doing up so late?” Aziraphale asked “and it’s Aziraphale please. Sir Fell is much too stiff and awkward”

“I- I was” Merlin stuttered

“Baking” Aziraphale finished for him.

“Yes”

An awkward silence fell over the kitchen.

“Crowley told me you were leaving. Are you going to tell the King?”

“No” Merlin whispered “it’s best he didn’t know”

“Do you truly want to leave?” Aziraphale questioned

“No” Merlin admitted “but it doesn’t matter now”

“Your destiny is here, Merlin” Aziraphale tried to look encouraging.

“Do you know what Destiny has done to me Sir Fell?” Merlin asked “I have fought tooth and nail for destiny. I have done everything for it, and then I’m just tossed aside because I’m nothing more than a servant. That’s all I will be”

“You are much more than that”

Merlin turned back to his baking, at the red of the cherries he had carefully pitted and made for the filling. At the pastry he was carefully crafting. 

“I’m nothing more than a servant to him”

“You are much more” Aziraphale assured him “everyone can see that”

“Apart from him” Merlin said sadly “just the King’s simple manservant. I’m leaving, sir, but I’ll be back. I can’t run from destiny, not entirely”

“You’ll be missed” Aziraphale admitted.

“I just want to be left alone now” Merlin asked “I want to finish this before sunrise”

“Of course,” Aziraphale said.

Merlin slumped down on the counter. Did everyone know of his love for the King or had everyone suddenly become more observant? It was a special kind of torture. It was horrible to have what you desire so close to you but kept at arm’s length constantly. He knew it was always some hopeless dream he couldn’t help but grasp onto, like a lifeline. But the lifeline had snapped. He would always have Arthur’s friendship and that’s all he could hope for, could wish for.

He continued to bake the pie, making sure that it was ready to serve for lunch tomorrow. A fitting parting gift, he supposed.

Now it was time to go and pick herbs for Gaius. 

As the sun rose, it was now only one more day until the wedding.

***

Crowley stalked his way to the king’s chambers. If the two were thick sculled enough not to talk to each other, then perhaps he could knock some sense into the King. He knocked out of politeness, nothing more.

“Come in” Arthur called from within his chambers.

Crowley walked into Arthur rather hastily putting away a beautifully crafted circlet. It wasn’t meant for the Queen if the King was in such haste to hide it.

“I hope I wasn’t disturbing you, my lord” he said “I’m sure you are almost finished with preparations”

“Preparations?”

“For your wedding, of course. It is tomorrow” Crowley wasn’t trying to deliberately prod and poke him, but he needed to know what Arthur truly felt, under the layers of repression and ingrained sense of duty.

“Yes, of course. All prepared” Arthur muttered, glancing at the box where he laid the circlet in.

“Shame your manservant won’t be attendance” he knew he was sowing the seed of discord, but it was what he did best.

“What do mean, sir?”

“I saw him packing a bag, I think he intends to leave as soon as he can”

“Did he say why?” Arthur tried to not let fear creep into his voice

“Perhaps you should ask him yourself, good day my lord”

He turned and began to walk out.

“Sir” Arthur called out to him “I have a question to ask myself”

Crowley turned around and merely stared at Arthur.

“Go on”

Arthur looked like he was struggling to get the words out.

“If you loved someone, someone you knew you could never be with. Would you risk everything to be with them? No matter the cost?”

“Yes” Crowley responded “I do that every day I’m here”

With that he turned around and walked out of the King’s chambers.

***

The pie was perfect when Merlin served it. But Arthur was looking at him strange, as if he was trying to discern some impossible puzzle.

“Sir Crowley told me something interesting today” Arthur started as he took a bite of the pie.

” Oh?” said Merlin noncommittedly as he went around Arthur’s chambers clearing up random strewn about objects.

“He said if love was worth the risk, then that risk should be taken”

Merlin cursed under his breath. Of course, Crowley would meddle.

“Much like you and Gwen” he gritted out.

“Y-yes I suppose”

Arthur looked down at his meal. This conversation wasn’t going the way he hoped. Perhaps they were supposed to forever remain in this state of never truly knowing what the other truly felt.

“I should leave, sire” Merlin suddenly announced “there are some matters Gaius needs me to attend to. Before everyone is distracted by the wedding”

With that he rushed out of the King’s chambers. Arthur put his head in his hands and sighed. Whatever hopeless thoughts he had, there was no point. He was to be married, there was no time of foolish notion of True Love or the world suddenly bending to his will.

There was another knock at his door.

“Arthur?” came Gwen’s voice “are you there?”

“Come in” Arthur called out.

“Is this a bad time?” she asked as she sat down at the table

“No not at all”

“It’s just I saw Merlin leave in quite a hurry”

“Chores for Gaius” Arthur supplied.

“His excuse for everything to get him out of a situation” Gwen smiled.

“He’s leaving, Gwen” Arthur confessed “after the wedding, or even before. Sir Crowley told me”

“What?” Gwen frowned in confusion

“But he always wanted to stay by your side”

“Not now” Arthur said quietly “are we doing the right thing?”

“We are doing what is best for the kingdom”

“But will that be enough for you? Is there anyone you would rather have?”

Gwen looked at him, as if he should be asking himself the same question.

“While our hearts might not be entirely given to each other, I believe we will be happy. Is that enough for you?”

It had to be enough. He cared for Gwen, believed he was in love with her before he saw her with Lancelot. And realised that his heart truly set on his clumsy manservant.

“It will be”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu  
twitter- thatbarin_tokyo  
tumblr- lovethenx-01  
kudos and comments fuel me


	3. I wish I could stay with you and keep the life I made with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's the wedding day. and everything falls apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi welcome to the proper beginning of the angst!   
also i now have a ko-fi!  
since it's not ao3 policy to link this stuff i'll link my twitter where the link actually is!  
https://twitter.com/thatbarin_tokyo  
also i tried to use smash cuts in this chapter. did it work?? please tell me.

Crowley is not sure how he is able to summon the dragon. Dragonlords should be the only ones, but being an occult being had some perks.

“And what do you require, demon?” the dragon said in lieu of a greeting.

“is this what destiny truly wants?” it comes out as a more of a snarl “they are both miserable, being apart from each other”

“Merlin is only be beside Arthur as a friend, not as a lover” Kilgarrah calmly explained “his personal feelings must be set aside”

“and destiny told you that?” Crowley asked angrily “it showed you that much?”

Kilgarrah glared at Crowley, as much as a dragon could glare.

“You believe that the prophecy is wrong?” He growled

“Merlin shouldn’t be trapped by a prophecy all his life, it’s destroying him” Crowley said, lifting his torch higher.

“His love for Arthur is irrelevant”

This angered Crowley beyond measure. Whatever Great Plan destiny had, it was wrong. 

“Irrelevant? You think it’s easy for him to close away every part of himself?”

“You sound experienced, Demon” Kilgarrah taunted “does Sir Fell know of your affection?”

“This isn’t about me”

“So, you give Merlin hope? For what, to rule beside Arthur? To be his Consort?” Kilgarrah accused him.

“You have given Merlin no hope. You have told him to kill children and dear friends. Arthur and Merlin would unite Albion, as the prophecy says” Crowley explained “you know this to be true, dragon, as well as I do”

“You are naive” Kilgarrah snarled “do not assume you know the true words of the old religion”

“The wedding is tomorrow, does the great dragon know what is to happen?” Crowley said

“Heed my words, demon. Do not let Merlin leave the citadel. Let Arthur marry Gwen, then destiny will be satisfied” Kilgarrah snapped, before flying off into the night sky.

***

The moment Merlin opened his eyes, he remembered what day it was. He dressed in a haze. He remembered his backpack already ready on his horse, the sudden urge to ride away and just _disappear_. No more Camelot, no more destiny. No more Arthur.

Merlin entered Arthur’s room with his breakfast. This would be the last time for a while that he would do this.

“Time to get up, Arthur” he said with faux cheer as he opened the curtains “Big day ahead”

Arthur merely groaned.

“Merlin” Arthur opened his eyes and merely observed him as he went about the room, laying Arthur’s ceremonial armour on the table. His movement felt sluggish, like his magic had cursed him to experience every excruciating moment of this day. Doing up every buckle, ensuring everything was secured.

_He couldn’t do this. Smile and be happy when his heart was being ripped apart. _

_He just couldn’t. _

The moment he was done here, he was gone. Not telling Crowley, he would try and persuade him to say and stop the wedding. The man had such hope that destiny would manifest how he wanted if he tried, but that never happened.

_I wish I could stay with you and keep the life I made with you. _

Merlin finished with the armour. He was deft at doing it after many years of service, but it felt like it was the final time.

“They’ll be waiting for you, sire. I’ll be along in a moment” Merlin said, his voice dull and flat to his ears.

“Thank you Merlin” Arthur replied softly “I-“

Merlin looked up. Arthur seemed to be struggling with something, like he was trying to formulate the right words.

“I hope you find the same happiness one day”

Merlin swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I hope so too” he whispered back.

He left the chambers and ran. Through the empty corridors and down to the courtyard. His eyes were burning, and he swallowed to keep the tears at bay. His horse was already saddled with his pack on, ready to leave post ceremony. He soothed her for a moment before mounting and trying to appear discreet, but there was no one there to question him. He galloped through the lower town, making it to the edge of the citadel in little time at all.

And he kept going. Until Tor began to whinny in protest at the edge of small clearing, at which he hastily dismounted and collapsed. His heaving sobs could be heard throughout the clearing. Tor had gone to graze just outside the clearing, unaware of her master’s grief.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, curled into himself wondering if this was how his life was going to be. Full of pain and heartbreak, happiness always so close yet just out of reach.

The air chilled around him. It was the unnatural kind, the kind that crept up your spine and chilled your soul.

“How the mighty have fallen” a voice came from outside the clearing, as cold as the air around them.

***

Gwen looked stunning as she walked down the aisle. She would be a wonderful Queen, a true champion of the people. His mind supplied Merlin’s eyes when he thought of it. He looked around the hall for him, desperately searching for him. He could see Sir Crowley do the same, golden eyes looking around hurriedly for his missing friend. 

Merlin was nowhere to be seen.

***

“You” Merlin gasped out “I killed you”

“A foolish notion” Nimueh said, her eyes glowing gold. Thick tree roots burst from the ground and restrained Merlin’s arms and legs. He tried desperately to conjure his magic, to break from the branches, but it wasn't responding.

“Death has made my magic so much more powerful, Emrys” she smiled smugly “and now I will have my revenge”

“This is what you’ve been doing? Lying in wait for me to come here?”

“Destiny was bound to fail you at some point, and it has” Nimueh said as she moved closer “Did you actually believe he would love you? Your golden prince, who you sacrificed everything for, only to be rejected again and again”

“I am loyal to my King” Merlin struggled out.

“Who is right now marrying your best friend, is that why the great warlock is wondering the woods?” Nimueh wondered.

Merlin felt like his heart was being wrenched from his body. 

“Yes” he sobbed out

***

“Do you, Arthur Pendragon, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” Geoffrey asked.

The silence was deafening.

His mind ran through thousands of scenarios where this was the right thing to do. It would strengthen his kingdom, he knew Gwen would be a fine ruler and he would be content to live out the rest of his days with her.

_Merlin would make you truly happy _Arthur’s mind supplied.

“I- I” he stumbled out.

He looked at Gwen and imagined Merlin in her place. His elated heart couldn’t be ignored, no matter how hard he tried. He let go of Gwen’s hands as his mind fell deeper into despair of making the wrong decision.

“Sire” Geoffrey prompted, concern etched on his face.

A click sounded in the assembled audience and a silver circlet landed in his hands. He frowned and noticed Crowley giving Aziraphale a small smile. It was Merlin’s crown. The one he commissioned months ago in a haze of fitful longing and hopeless pining. It was vines entwined with each other, small blue sapphires encrusting the edges of certain leaves. The blacksmith had remarked how it would be a beautiful crown for the new Queen, and Arthur didn't tell him any different.

It was made for Merlin, and only for Merlin. 

“I can’t”

***

“How much despair do you feel, how much pain?” Nimueh hissed, circling Merlin as the roots became tighter and more constricting.

“So much” he said unwillingly.

He felt a ghostly hand on his forehead, searching and feeling through his mind. Merlin forced it out, using whatever reserve strength he had to fight it off.

“There’s so much pain and anger” Nimueh smiled, as if everything was slowly coming together “what if it was magnified and consumed you?”

“No please no” Merlin begged

“Let it consume you” she whispered “you know the funny thing about this particular curse? It can only be broken by True Love’s kiss”

Merlin sobbed. Nimueh’s incantations were soft and gleeful, the bonds getting tighter and tighter. Merlin’s hands were numb, and his muscles were burning.

_I’m sorry, Arthur, I’m so sorry._

***

“I’m sorry Gwen” Arthur said, trying to stay calm.

“Go get him, but you need to address your court first” she calmly replied, and then she left the dais walking down the aisle, nodding to the Knight’s and stunned nobles.

“My lords and ladies” Arthur started, looking down at the circlet “the wedding will not proceed today” murmurs broke out among the crowd “I have realised I should be honest to myself of who I truly love” he smiled softly at the circlet “the person I want to rule beside me. I foolishly pushed them aside for so long, believing it was for the best. But I couldn’t rule without knowing what could have been”

Crowley watched him, glancing at Aziraphale next to him. The angel hadn’t taken a breath since the king started speaking.

“I love him foolishly and deeply” Arthur struggled out “if not for him, I would not be the man I am today. And I have never once acknowledged that. This crown was made for him and, if he will still have me, I will name him my consort”

With that, Arthur swept down the aisle of the hall, with one mission in mind.

Find Merlin.

***

It was a haze of rage and malice. His skin glowed in unnatural light his magic trying to fight against the curse but failing. Nimueh long gone once her job was done.

_Kill him, kill him, kill him, KILL HIM, KILL HIM. _

“ARTHUR” he roared, as the curse finally took hold.

His magic exploded, felling the trees around him and breaking the bonds holding him.

And he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu-  
twitter- thatbarin_tokyo  
tumblr- lovethenx-01  
kudos and comments fuel me!


	5. They're writing songs of love, but not for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The knights are out searching for Merlin, but he has no plans to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again i have to apologise for this chapter being super late. i'm back in uni so i had to concentrate on that for a bit before i got back into writing!  
This chapter title is from But Not for Me from An American in Paris.

Merlin was missing. His mare, Tor, was gone as was most of his belongings. Crowley swore he had no part in it. It was a frantic mobilisation to send out as many patrols as possible, to bring home Merlin to his rightful home. It was a subject of much gossip throughout the citadel, that the King and the manservant had been secret lovers for many years; but had stopped once Arthur realised he needed a Queen. The truth, that Arthur had pushed away his feelings countless times for Merlin, was nor spread as widely. But the events had been enough to draw the attention of Upstairs.

It also equalled Aziraphale dealing with one pissed off Archangel.

“What part of the plan was Arthur not sticking to it?” he asked, frigid smile on his face as he surveyed Aziraphale’s quarters in the citadel.

“The King has a mind of his own” Aziraphale replied, hands stiffly behind his back.

“But it was not the plan” Gabriel spelt out “The King was not supposed to ‘fall in love’” _love _was said with a certain amount of contempt “with his manservant”

“Perhaps the plan changed” Aziraphale said “She changes her mind quite a bit on matter of the heart”

“Fix it, Aziraphale” Gabriel warned “if the manservant doesn’t come back, it makes the situation all the easier”

“We can’t just kill him!” Aziraphale protested “He’s immortal”

“That can be changed”

***

“There is no sign of Merlin, my lord” Leon said “he was seen riding out the citadel before the wedding, however”

Arthur felt crushed. He had wronged Merlin in so many ways and it had come back to haunt him.

“There was one thing” Leon started, making Arthur look up with his face a mix of hope and pleading “several trees were felled in the Darkling woods, and no one knows why”

“What do you mean?” Arthur asked

“It was like a massive explosion of power” Leon tried to explain

“Sorcery?” Arthur asked

“Most likely sire”

“Morgana’s men could of captured him” Arthur stated “we need to send out more patrols, I’ll accompany you”

“We’ll find him, sire” Leon assured Arthur

***

His magic had never felt more powerful. It crackled beneath his skin like lightening, making itself known after so long of being repressed. Tor sensed a change in her master, as they rode further into Darkling woods.

He could go straight back to Camelot; finally show he was anything but a fool.

“The King has stated his consort is to remain unharmed!” he heard a voice in the distance.

Consort? What Consort?

Arthur was now married, wasn’t he? To his Queen?

His magic stung him, as if to remind him of the goal. 

_Use them to warn him you are not to be messed with _the curse whispered _make an example of them_

He wouldn’t harm them, just send out a little warning. Emrys is coming. The knights fanned out, separating out to cover more of the forest. He rode closer to them, trying to see how he could send a message to Arthur.

“_Ābrec_” he muttered, gesturing towards the trees close to the knights. Merlin heard the satisfied crack and splinter of the oak as one tree fell after another, blocking their way forward through the woods.

He rested his fingers again his throat as the shouts of knights increased.

“_Dómian_” he whispered. Now they would all hear him.

“Are you searching for something, my dear knights? The King has you searching for something, but what could it be?”

The head knight, Galahad if Merlin remembered correctly, spoke up.

“We are searching for the person his Majesty wished to crown his consort” he spoke into the clearing “we mean no harm to you”

“Who is this person your King searches for?” he shouted “Tell me!” He dismounted from Tor and stalked closer to the knights, through the broken and felled trees.

“His manservant, Merlin”

“DO NOT LIE TO ME” Merlin roared “_forblindian_!”

The wave of light blinded the knights as Merlin got closer to Galahad.

“Do not lie to me, Sir Knight” he threatened

“Merlin?” Galahad said calmly “we’re here to take you back to Camelot”

“I do not wish to return” he replied.

“The King wishes to see you, he has sent out as many knights as possible for your safe return”

“Why isn’t he here himself?” Merlin questioned “is he still back at his castle? Celebrating his new marriage? Does he believe me the naïve?”

“There was no wedding” Galahad begged “we swear”

“Return to Camelot” he told the knights “tell your King I am not returning, I have found my true purpose”

_Is this what you really want? You love him, and yet you want to make an enemy of him. _

“I’m sorry” he whispered “Do not let the King find me. I am a danger, you must understand. Now go, please!”

The Knights made a swift escape, looking back at him as he struggled to keep his magic at bay.

_You must kill him _the curse whispered as he walked away, _he cannot break the curse, he does not love you, he does not care for you. _

***

Meeting Galahad on the road back to Camelot had been a lucky coincidence.

“Sire” Galahad warned him “Merlin is not himself, something has taken a hold of him. Do not search for him”

“What happened?”

“He attacked us, he still believes you are married”

Arthur considered this for a moment.

“I will meet him, alone”

Galahad’s eyes widened.

“Your Majesty, he is dangerous. Do not go alone”

“He will not hurt me” Arthur assured him “where did he go?”

“Further North into the Darkling woods”

“I will bring him home” Arthur assured the knights “we will both return”

Arthur rode off, determined to find Merlin at any cost.

***

Arthur rode for what felt like hours through the Darkling Woods, desperately trying to find any trace of Merlin. It was stupid going alone, but given the reactions of the knights that approached him. Merlin would never hurt him.

“I suppose you’re here to take me home” a voice from among the trees said.

“Merlin?” Arthur called out, dismounting his horse as he did so.

“I’m afraid I’d have to refuse” the voice spoke again

“Please, come out” Arthur asked.

The figure who approached seemed to be a stranger. It was Merlin, yet it wasn’t. He held himself differently, like a weight had been lifted off. And his eyes were glowing a fierce gold. 

“Do you wish for me to come home now, your Majesty?” Merlin said mockingly

“What happened?”

“I- I” Merlin stuttered, confidence faltering for a moment “I can’t tell you, you can’t break it”

“Break what, Merlin?” Arthur was desperate now

“Why are you here Arthur?” suddenly Merlin’s face became a cruel sneer “When I left, you were getting married”

Merlin’s voice broke at the word married.

“I didn’t marry Gwen” Arthur tried to assure him

“I have been lied to enough today” Merlin shot back “why are you here?”

His eyes glowed a fiercer gold

“I love you” Arthur said, glad he had finally told Merlin “come home, please”

The wave of magic was unlike anything he had experienced. It knocked him off his feet and onto the cold forest floor. Merlin approached him, like he was stalking his prey. 

“You’ll do anything to make me return! Give me false hope for something that would never come to pass. I have done everything for you, sacrificed everything I am” Merlin accused him, malice and sadness lacing his tone.

“Merlin”

“No, I will not be duped again. Go back to your wife and kingdom. We’ll see each other again, Arthur Pendragon”

Then Merlin just disappeared. And Arthur was left alone, wondering what had happened to the man he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu-  
tumblr- lovethenx-01  
twitter- thatbarin_tokyo  
kudos and comments fuel me!

**Author's Note:**

> hmu-  
twitter- thatbarin_tokyo  
tumblr- lovethenx-01  
kudos and comments fuel me!


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